It was the summer of 2010. I was a wreck or should I say a wretch. I had just completed my first year of college, ecstatic about being home for the summer and that quickly changed. Going away to college was my first time being away from home for a long period of time. With tuition going up and realizing that the party life that I led in college wasn’t what my life was supposed to be about I found myself home came August while everyone I knew went back to school. Something deep down inside of me wouldn’t let me go back even though I know the financial part could be figured out I just couldn’t go back.
Ashamed, embarrassed, hurt and angry I sat in my room for almost two months applying to jobs with tears all over my laptop. No one would hire me and i do mean no one. Feeling like a disappointment I was stuck, let my mom tell it I was depressed. My life was nothing like I planned when I was 16. I didn’t get into my dream school, my mom was leaving the man who loved and treated me like his daughter for over 18 years, I wasn’t with the guy I was crazy about in high school and my younger brother felt like I had abandon him to go to college. Everything was changing! I was changing and that scared me.
Instead of praying and writing down my feelings like I was taught I would complain and cry everyday. At the time I felt like I was stripped of almost everything. I was changing. not wanting to do anything my peers did I became friend-less. I thought it was just me, my tears and complaints. It got to the point where I didn’t even want to leave the house, my mom began to worry because she thought all of this was about a guy when guys were the least of my worries. My life was changing, I was changing. I remember sitting up in my bed one night thinking to myself that joy comes in the morning. What I didn’t realize is that my morning would bring my joy when I was ready for it not just when the sun rises.
The next day I got up took a walk around my neighborhood and told myself that my life wouldn’t always be this way. That day I began to process my feelings and began to visualize a positive life for myself. Now almost five years later I can look back and Thank God for seeing me through that rough season of my life. I now know that everything I went through was preparing me for this season. Every complaint and attitude of dis-contentment prepared me to be able to appreciate the life I have right now. Every feeling of being a disappointment allowed me to be able to tell other young girls that they aren’t disappointments no matter what goal they didn’t accomplish. Being in that season of constant tears and depression allowed me to be able to be empathic to strangers I see crying each day. That season of being broken allowed me to look deeply inside of myself, pick up the pieces of the life I once thought I wanted and proceed to the life God wanted for me.
Today I want to encourage you wherever you are to get up! Your joy is waiting on you to want your morning! Your peace is waiting on you! Dry those eyes, forgive that person, love yourself, respect yourself and get up! You don’t have to stay in that place of broken, bitter, loneliness you can get up!
Need more encouragement!? Check out my post ‘I am Enough”